Saturday, August 23, 2014

Interrupting Our Story: When Real Life Gets Hard

It has taken me a few days to process, but here I am now.

Since I have been writing out this whole story for you of our IVF process, and you all know that this story has been a few days behind where we really were. It gave us a little cushion to go through everything and for me to get it all in writing.

Although this will be like reading the end of the story, with the news we got last Thursday, I just felt like I couldn't keep going giving you all hope. That just seems wrong. 

So here you are. On Thursday we found out that IVF did not work. After all the anticipation and the bed rest and the week and a half of waiting, we got the call Thursday that the blood work showed that none of the little embryos we implanted took. I am not pregnant.

Needless to say, we were crushed. There was lots of tears, hugs, and we took Friday off to just be together and gather strength. 

A sweet friend of mine sent me the above verse and it was perfect. This is the second time God has used her during this IVF cycle to send the perfect verse for me. 

So how are we right now? We are both able to talk and honestly. I have found even more, that I process best by talking through everything that has happened. We are both sitting here knowing that as another friend said, our short story just turned into a novel. One chapter has closed and another has just started.

I am going to continue writing this blog to finish of our entire story. Again it is just as much a place for me to document as it is to tell all of you. I was anticipating telling you all in the next 2 weeks that we were pregnant. It was going to be perfect. Instead, I am so sorry to tell you all that life hurts. And some times it sucks. But my prayer from the beginning has been that if for what ever reasons it did not work, God would remind me that this is our story. That He has a plan. We may not understand it, but there is a reason. I have also been praying that it would speak to someone through this craziness.

I have also been asked if I wished that I had not made it so public. Honestly, I wouldn't do it any different. However, I fully understand why people do not tell. There is so much excitement, but in the deep disappointment, it is really hard to tell everyone you love about. It is so hard to hear the tears and the deep deep disappointment. Even harder then my own heart breaking when we heard the news. i don't like hearing our loved ones so sad.

All that to say. I love you all. Our family. Our friends. All of you whom we love. You are an amazing community that we could not do this without.

Finally, the question you are all wondering. What are we going to do from here? We have an appointment with our fertility doctor on Thursday. We are going to talk to him and see what he thinks is best. Thomas and I are however, ready to go for round 2. 

So of course we ask that you all pray. My Facebook post the other day about hundreds of you all praying for us is true. You all are amazing and your prayers get us through. 
So thank you from the bottom of our hearts. 

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