The Aftermath of Round 1's Outcome

Now that I have had 2 months to reflect on the round 1 not working, this is what I have come to know.

I would not change this experience for anything. I know this is God's beautiful story for Thomas and I, and in it I am so thankful. 

I am thankful for Thomas and his beautiful perspective. 

I am thankful that I have a God whom I believe has this whole thing under control, because honestly I don't know how people do this without Him.

I am thankful for the amazing support of all you family and friends out there.

I am thankful that through this whole experience from beginning until now, we have discovered health issues that we have been able to take care of and avoid long lasting deteriorating health.

 I am thankful that through infertility, through miscarriages, and yes even through round 1 IVF not working, I have been able to 100% understand where friends are coming from, as they go through the same thing.

I am thankful that God has created in me a heart that just accepts and hurts, but does not get angry.

I am thankful that I know that one day we will have children. I have no idea what that is going to look like, but our story getting there is ours and it is beautiful.

I am thankful that God has broken me of the need to control my timeline. He has given me the desire to be calmer and to have less "stuff" cramming my schedule to the brim.

I am thankful that I have an incredible boss who allows me the time needed to go to my appointments.

I am thankful that the staff at the Gyft Clinic is incredible and kind.

I am thankful that Thomas and I have had to work through some crazy ethical things and that we have always been on the same page. Even when mid way through the process things changed and we both had the same change of heart.

 

I know that round 2 has the possibility to hurt our hearts again, but I also know that it has the possibility to bless us with the child(ren) that God has for us.

And for that, I say...

Round 2.... Bring it!

IVF and Essential Oils

Essential Oils and IVF

As a few of you know, I have been completely revamping Thomas and I's health with using essential oils instead of over the counter meds when we can. During this last round of IVF, we definitely did exactly what the Dr recommended with IVF meds, for a few different reasons, but we decided to supplement with oils as well. This is what we used and what worked well for us.

Used to stop my hiccups.

Used on the injection sites for the bleeding.

Used a combination of these 3 in a veggie capsule to help with pain for Thomas. Neither of us had to use Tylenol or Vicodin.

I also took a capsule of the Copaiba to help with the swelling from the procedure.

Used on both Thomas' and my sore muscles post extraction to help the tissue recover.
Also used to help the bruising from the injection sites.

Used as a natural progesterone aid to all the proscribed progesterone. 

Honestly I could not have asked for a more simple pain free procedure on extraction day or really of the over all process. And I am excited to use them again with round 2 and to see what other knowledge I can add to this!

I love every about these oils and I cannot wait until round 2 in 2 weeks!!!
So close people!

Testing Day and Follow Up Appointment.

This is the end of our first cycle that did not work. This is the last post for round 1.

Big Fat Bummer

This was our hope. That this drawing would be true. And it did not happen. But soon!

My initial post I wrote about all of this you can read here.

The day we found out round 1 did not work.

Interrupting Our Story: When Real Life Gets Hard

It was completely unexpected. Shocking. Sad.

I was still feeling things going on in my body.

I had to stop the estrodial and progesterone and baby aspirin in order to start my cycle 1 week later. It only took me 4 days.

I did schedule an appointment with Dr Murrain a week later.

And this is what he said.

He would not have done anything different when it comes to the procedure or the decisions that were made.

He is going to up my follistim medications from 225 ml to 300 ml from the beginning. Hopefully this will help  produce more mature eggs so that we have more embryos coming out and then possibly will be able to freeze some.

He said that 1 in 3 women just do not get pregnant on the first try. So we will try again 2 more times and then at that point we will talk about the next option.

We agree with all of his assessments. 

So….

The next step is to start my cycle. Heal for a month. Start my cycle again, and on day 3 start up birth control. 

And now that brings us to today. 

Friday September 26th. 

I am starting birth control.

I know, too much information, but you all are now caught up and real time in these posts.

Sorry I have been so late in the game getting these last few out. Honestly, there was no time limit pushing me and I just really wasn't all that motivated.

So round two in a month! I will definitely keep you posted real time then. It will just be easier.

Although now, you won't hear anything for a month because I am doing nothing. 

I have no desire to write a post every day that says, "took my birth control and prenatal again." 

No thanks.

See you in about a month!

Day 5 - Final Bed Rest Day

This is the end of our first cycle that did not work. There are 1 posts remaining for round 1.

Final Bed Rest Day

This my friends is what has happened over the last 3 days. As of today, the 5th day, our little embryos should have become a blastocyst and implanted. 

Maybe. We are oh so hopeful.

I am only sporadically sore from the progesterone shots at this point.

I really don't feel any different.

And it is my final day of bed rest. 

Did I mention that when we got up this morning, that Thomas looked outside and our car was gone? Dissappeared. Vanished into thin air.

But back to IVF stuff. We now wait for a week and 2 days until our blood work is done and then we will know if this whole thing took!

Day 4 - Bed Rest

This is the end of our first cycle that did not work. There are 2 posts remaining for round 1.

Bed Rest

This is what bed rest looks like. Taco salad, Gone with the Wind, along with Thomas and sweet friends coming to visit.

I definitely had sore bun from the shot last night. Good thing Thomas rotates the sides because this is going to be painful! Maybe it will even me out. And then once I am off bed rest, at least I can do lunges so I have results from the sore buns!

Day 3 - implantation

This is the end of our first cycle that did not work. There are 3 posts remaining for round 1.

It is day 3. Go time or not?

Our 9 am phone call said yes!

Plan for a 10:30 am implant.

I have 1.5 hours left to be not pregnant!

What should I do?

Well I cleaned and walked around a lot since I would be on bed rest for the next 4 days!

They told me to drink 32 oz of water before I came in.

This is the Gyft Clinic.

Here we are before the implant!

So much stuff everywhere!

After I was all set up in the room, Jeff the embryologist came in to talk through where our embryos were.

1 is a 10 cell with a 4 grade
2 are 8 cells with 3+, 3+ with some small fragmentation
2 7 cells with 4, 3 grade, 1 has unusual zone (it looks like a bowling pin)

1 is poor quality still.

Their recommendation was to implant 2 or 3 because at day 3 stage the likely hood was that 1 would turn into a blastocyst (a day 5 embryo).

Thomas and I looked at each other and we both said 3 without hesitation.

You can see our little implanted embryos!

Post implantation! This could be our first picture as parents!

After the embryos were implanted, Dr Murrain kept the catheter with the embryos in to ensure that they took for a minute. Jeff then took the catheter to ensure that they embryos had vacated the catheter.

They did not want me to move for an hour, so with my very full bladder, Dr Murrain used a (different) catheter. That was definitely a first! It definitely stung when going in and out, but the hardest part was not peeing on the bed afterward! I had tried so hard to relax so that it wouldn't hurt unnecessarily. But it still does. Yikes bladder control!

 Oh and I started progesterone shots.

In the rear. Yikes! Thomas has to give them to me because of the place.

I can feel the progesterone in oil move when I move. Gross. And these will continue through the first trimester! Many more weeks of these!
 The nurse taught Thomas how to give me the shots. Good thing he already knows!

These are all 6 of our little guys.

These are two of our little guys that we implanted. Jeff the embryologist puts a solution on them so that the hardened shell that had formed would be broken to allow for easier attachment.

The three embryos that we did not use, Jeff will care for them and call me on Monday to let me know whether or not we need to freeze them. When frozen there is a 75% chance that they will thaw and survive.

Right away we headed to acupuncture and then straight home for 4 days of bed rest! 

Thank goodness Laura came over for an hour to keep me company because I was going crazy after an hour! And then she brought me the 3 hour long Gone with the Wind! Love you friend!

And now we are off! Ready for the next 2 weeks of waiting!

Day 2 - Update time

I know I have been lacking in my posts. This is the end of our first cycle that did not work. There are 5 posts remaining for round 1. I want to finish the story though.\

These are our babies first pictures. They fertilized 24 hours before and now have split. The ones that are still only 1 cell never fertilized.

 And these are their first report cards.
6 have survived!
2 are 4 cells with a 3+ grade
3 are 3 cells with 4,4,3+ grade
1 is a 2 cell with a 2 grade

Thomas's stomach still hurts from the procedure 2 days before, but I am doing well!

Every things Thomas and I say or do, we are now saying, "is for the babies!"

We really are so excited!

Day 1

 Today is day 1 after they extracted the 24 follicles and 3 seminiferous tubules. And it is agonizing waiting for a phone call about if any of them fertilized. 

And honestly it was a major struggle day.

  But then a sweet friend sent me this.

And of course that made me cry. She had no idea that today was the day we would find out if any of the little swimmers fertilized the eggs, but she listened to God's nudge. An amazing thing.

And of course I cried.

She sent it to me just 5 minutes after we got the phone call. And of course I bawled again. For the 3rd time. It was the phone call that said the results. The phone call that said that of the 24 follicles, there were 12 mature eggs. Of those 13 mature eggs, they found 13 sperm to fertilize them. Of those 13 mature eggs with sperm inserted into them, we have 5 that fertilized and 2 that maybe fertilized.

I had texted a few people and my favorite response was, "Yayyyy. 7 is the perfect number. I say implant all and you can have a favorite child for each day of the week." Thank you Grace Faucett. You are amazing. Needed that brightness in such a tough day.

It sounds amazing, but what the nurse told me was that they had wanted a few more. And that it was a struggle to get that many fertilized. But God knows. And He performs miracles, right? Yes. He says so in Job 5:9.

These my friends are our 12 eggs. The ones with the double nucleus in the middle are the ones that have fertilized. These are our little babies! Their first pictures! 

And tomorrow will be their first test scores. Graded from the git go!

So we wait until tomorrow to see how they have progressed. And go from there.

Extraction Day!!!

Today is the day!!! We are making a baby people!

My appointment is at 8 am, which means I have to take a valium at 7:30 and I cannot eat or drink anything all morning.

Thomas's appointment is at 12:30.

This is a silly picture because it is the yolk of an egg!

Sweet Sarah took me to the clinic and stayed with me when they put me under.

Ok, here is how it went. I took the valium at 7:30. I had no idea how I would react, but honestly I was fine! Thomas and Sarah took me to the clinic to wait with me, but the took me straight back the minutes I came. I paid the anesthesiologist in cash (my drug money) and then back I went!

I started to feel the valium slightly, but I was still able to go into the bathroom by myself to put a gown on. I kept my shirt on, but was bare on the lower half and just put a gown over it along with slippers and a hair cover.

I went into the room next door and sat on the table, moved my legs over, then laid down.

Dr Reddy was my anesthesiologist. He put my IV in my wrist right above my thumb. He was awesome! I didn't feel a thing! The doctor came in and said we would get started and then I fell into a deep sleep. :) 

I woke up a little less then an hour later and was completely coherent from then on out.

The procedure went beautifully. Perfectly normal. They did go through the left side of the vaginal wall once and the right side twice. 

They got a total of 24 follicles which hopefully have lots of mature eggs in them!

This is after both of our procedures. I never felt anything more then what felt like moderate cramps with  the results of a hard ab work out! Thomas on the other hand felt like someone had repeatedly punched him in the balls. Yikes!

Thomas procedure went well, but they had a hard time finding a lot. 

My post op form.

These are 4 of my eggs being implanted with Thomas's little swimmers. 

They suck up with little swimmers in the needle. They insert it in the egg, suck out a little liquid from the egg, and then push it all the way in so that when they take out the needle, the sperm does not follow the needle out.

Each little egg needs the little bump on the outside. It carried an extra set of DNA. They do not fertilize with out it. They also need the little halo looking membrane on the outside. It is kind of a hard shell. 

At this point all we know is that they got 24 follicles and 3 seminiferous tubules which is where the sperm swim through in the testes so that they grow until they exit. So these guys will be a little immature compared to sperm that come out other ways.

So we wait and pray! And Thomas ices. Lots.

Thank you Sarah! We couldn't have done today without you! You are absolutely an amazing friend, note taker, and nurse!

Waiting Day

Today is a waiting day. 

Tomorrow is the extraction....

And the actual beginning of a baby being made.

And it just feels weird. We waited for so long and then the last couple of weeks we have actually been "doing" something. And waiting again, if only for a day, just feels weird.

So I went in to work for the first time in a week.

And just hung out after work.

I had to take the estrodial 3 times today. Morning, afternoon, and evening.

And I am not allowed to eat after midnight. 

Folks I will be so sound asleep at midnight, the thought will never cross my  mind! First thing in the morning before the appointment? I can only hope I will be so nervous I will loose my appetite. Because normally I wake up famished!

Final Shot - Day 13

 Today is the final shot day!

I am feeling my ovaries like crazy!

My back hurts and I am tearing up often!

Sorry Thomas.

Here is the information that I walked away with in the morning appointment.

I need my estradiol to be below 3000. They will cancel the rest of the procedure if it is above 5000.

Here are where my follicles are at:

Left side:

18

2 @ 16

2 @ 15

3 @ 14

13

Right side:

2 @ 18

17

2 @ 16

15

14

The hope is that more then 15-16 will have mature eggs

I went to acupuncture, because Janelle wanted to see me within a few days of the extraction. 

Well when I laid down I told her I still had not heard and usually they call at this exact time.

 So she did not put needles in 1 arm so I could answer the phone if need be.

 Of course they called in the middle of the appointment!

So I had my sheet that I had been given that morning, all ready to fill out.

My estradiol is at 1540. It went down because eggs are ready to release.

That means it is a go! I was so giddy!!!

My instructions are...

Take the final shot at 9:30 pm. The exact time on the dot. Because extraction would be 35 hours later.

So we set an alarm because we go to bed at 7:30.

We got up....

Oh wait, is this supposed to be in the stomach? oh crap! I forgot to ask!

But I vaguely remember her saying it was in the stomach when I asked during the injection training. Good thing I asked then!

As for a picture... it was at 9:30 at night. We were both mostly still asleep. We most definitely did not get  a picture.

The shot was Ovidrel which basically told my brain to release the eggs!

I also was to take 1 estrodial (a small estrogen pill) and nothing else.

So I stopped my baby aspirin and all other shots.

I was so excited after my acupuncture appointment, that I called Thomas and told him immediately, but as I went to get my hair trimmed, I was giddy! Good thing I am good friends with my hair gal, otherwise she would have thought I was nuts!

These are the two papers you get. This first one has all the information I needed about when to take my final shot, but also for pre-op day for taking out my eggs.

 

This is more pre-op info.

And the $450 to Dr Reddy? That is cash for the anesthesiologist. I seriously felt like I was doing an under the table hand off. 

This literally was my drug money. 

Wow.

And Another Appointment - Day 12

Some times in the middle of it all you just need to go pick apples.

This is the tree we leased for the year.

Today my ovaries look like a paw or a chocolate chip cookie according to my nurse. They can be so silly! They make the time go by.

Left side:

2 @ 15

2 @ 14

2 @ 13

2 @ 12

3 @ 11

Right side

1 @ 15.4

1 @ 14.8

2 @ 12

2 @ 11

Uterine Lining is measured at 6.7

Estradiol level 1703! Holy cow it doubled!!

I am feeling very emotional today.

I have a slight headache, but fixed it with hydrating.

Really having to pee often because my ovaries are twice the size of normal ovaries!

And i was 30 minutes late with my shot. Good grief Mica! Pay attention!

An Appointment with an Ultrasound! - Day 11

This my friends are my beautiful follicles. My ovaries.

Updates on my numbers.

left side:

2 @ 12

4 @ 11

2 @ 9

8

2 @ 7

right side:

2 @ 14

1 @ 13.5

3 @ 12

4 @ 11

10

And my uterine lining is 4.9!

I have definitely noticed that depending on the nurse, my follicles are measured slightly different. I have had 3 different nurses. But I guess I only need the nurse on the last day to get it right!

I asked again what my ultimate goal was. 8 mature eggs are ok, but 10 is good. Although anything above that is way better!

Same 2 shots and 1 baby aspirin regiment is still on.

My estradiol level is 897, which is up a little higher.

Getting there slowly, but surely.

Adding In The Second Shot Today - Day 10

Today is an important day! The addition of the second shot. 

So we had been doing the follistim to make lots of my follicles grow. 

Shot #2!

Today we add in the ganarillex which is used to tell my brain to not release the eggs into the bigger follicles. It says, "STOP!"

This is a single shot in the muscle of my leg. And the nurse said expect it to hurt, expect it to become a huge welt and a rash. And I got nothing. No pain, no welt, no rash. So much so I asked her the next day if I did something wrong!?! She said, "No. I was just one of the lucky ones." Thomas said it was because he was such an amazing shot giver. I will take both of those reasons, thank you!

Today my follicle numbers are:

left

2 @ 12

2 @ 11

1 @ 10

3 @ 9

right

2 @ 11

3 @ 9

2 @ 8

7

 

My uterine lining is 4.5. 

Yay! Things are moving along!!!

My estradiol level is 821. So much higher!

All the things I need. My shots and my oils.

This man. The best shot giver ever.

Things are moving along...

And Another Appointment - Day 9

Today I just waited for call for how my hormones were doing and whether they were going to change follistim dosage.

At the appointment I was told that as the follicles grow it will start to be uncomfortable, I was curious why? She said my ovaries will eventually be twice the size they ever are in normal life!

Thomas' response to hearing this? "Babe, I like your big ovaries."

That man.

Ok and now for my numbers:

left side

1 @ 10

3 @ 9

4 @ 8

right

1 @ 9

2 @ 8

1 @ 7

 

The nurse told me I needed to be up to 12 - 14 mm.

I am about a day and a half behind, but because of the BC they think my body is just taking a little longer to warm up. Why didn't they tell me that 2 days ago!?!

This moves the extraction day out a day or 2 now. Which is still in our 3 day window!

The ultimate goal is to get 12 follicles in the 17 - 21 mm range

And starting now I need to increase my protein, water, and electrolytes

My uterine lining is 4.3

My estrodial level is at 500. Which is rising.

But she said I have beautiful ovaries. :) The little things, right?

I got a text from a co-worker saying I was missing a beautiful sunrise. This is what I saw when I ran outside.

When I went into acupuncture later that day, I realized that I was starting to feel my ovaries. It felt like I was ovulating. Yes I realize that most people don't feel that, but when you have been on this adventure for 3 years, you are well aware of your body.

Janelle my fabulous acupuncturist asked if I started getting headaches from the shots or breaking out or bloating? No. Thank goodness. No. But good to know that those are things I can expect.

Interrupting Our Story: When Real Life Gets Hard

It has taken me a few days to process, but here I am now.

Since I have been writing out this whole story for you of our IVF process, and you all know that this story has been a few days behind where we really were. It gave us a little cushion to go through everything and for me to get it all in writing.

Although this will be like reading the end of the story, with the news we got last Thursday, I just felt like I couldn't keep going giving you all hope. That just seems wrong. 

So here you are. On Thursday we found out that IVF did not work. After all the anticipation and the bed rest and the week and a half of waiting, we got the call Thursday that the blood work showed that none of the little embryos we implanted took. I am not pregnant.

Needless to say, we were crushed. There was lots of tears, hugs, and we took Friday off to just be together and gather strength. 

A sweet friend of mine sent me the above verse and it was perfect. This is the second time God has used her during this IVF cycle to send the perfect verse for me. 

So how are we right now? We are both able to talk and honestly. I have found even more, that I process best by talking through everything that has happened. We are both sitting here knowing that as another friend said, our short story just turned into a novel. One chapter has closed and another has just started.

I am going to continue writing this blog to finish of our entire story. Again it is just as much a place for me to document as it is to tell all of you. I was anticipating telling you all in the next 2 weeks that we were pregnant. It was going to be perfect. Instead, I am so sorry to tell you all that life hurts. And some times it sucks. But my prayer from the beginning has been that if for what ever reasons it did not work, God would remind me that this is our story. That He has a plan. We may not understand it, but there is a reason. I have also been praying that it would speak to someone through this craziness.

I have also been asked if I wished that I had not made it so public. Honestly, I wouldn't do it any different. However, I fully understand why people do not tell. There is so much excitement, but in the deep disappointment, it is really hard to tell everyone you love about. It is so hard to hear the tears and the deep deep disappointment. Even harder then my own heart breaking when we heard the news. i don't like hearing our loved ones so sad.

All that to say. I love you all. Our family. Our friends. All of you whom we love. You are an amazing community that we could not do this without.

Finally, the question you are all wondering. What are we going to do from here? We have an appointment with our fertility doctor on Thursday. We are going to talk to him and see what he thinks is best. Thomas and I are however, ready to go for round 2. 

So of course we ask that you all pray. My Facebook post the other day about hundreds of you all praying for us is true. You all are amazing and your prayers get us through. 

So thank you from the bottom of our hearts. 

Appointment Day - Day 8

Off to get blood draw again!

And the vein in my arm started rolling! But I was then able to find out that they have this down to an art! They use my best arm to draw blood for the first half of the blood draw days, and my worse arm for the second half. The reason is they want my good arm to be ready for the IV on extraction day.

So amazing that this is a beautifully choreographed dance!

My blood draw seat.

And now for my numbers.

My follicles are:

1 @ 10 mm

4 @ 8 mm

5 @ 7 mm

Grow little ones grow!

My uterine lining still isn't quite up to par.

But my estrodil level increased to 350

They want me to stay at 300 IU of the follistim which means no increase in the meds. 

So things are growing!!! Yay!

A Break From Appointments - Day 7

Apparently my numbers are so low, that I get a break in the Dr's appointments today. 

So off to work I go. Hi ho, hi ho.

 While they wait for the extra follistim to kick in and do what it does best. Make those follicles grow!

Oh I did forgot my baby aspirin today. I cannot get out of my routine! Geesh!

 I am definitely starting to feel a little bit of a sore stomach because of the consistent shots.

 Since I don't have a lot today, here is the view of what I see out my front window when I have been working from home.

The trees just light up as the sun comes up!

I just love it!

Daily Ultrasound and Blood Work - Day 6

And now begins the never ending appointments of blood work and ultrasounds.

For the next week I have appointments!

Blood Work

My arm bruised from drawing blood for the first time. Bummer.

Internal Ultrasound

Ok, here are my numbers for today:

3 follicles are at 6 mm and need to be higher and another 4 follicles are at 5 mm.

She asked if I had been taking my medications. Of course I had! Ok maybe not perfectly on time! But yes! Apparently the size of the follicles were not quite where she wanted them to be.

And the lining of my uterus is not quite where she wanted it to be either.

So I waited and tonight she informed me that she wanted me to up my follistim from 225 IU to 300 IU. Well hopefully that will get me to where they want me to be!