Friday, July 24, 2015

Still Waiting to Grow Our Family

The test was negative. We are not pregnant. 

Just want to get that out there before I ramble on about today.

I woke up this morning and decided that I would take a at home pregnancy test, because quite frankly I felt horrible that the nurse could possibly have to tell me bad news again. So Although I knew, there was still a very small part of me that held on to hope that maybe it was wrong. Which is why I didn't tell anyone. Sorry guys. But seriously that is the reason I never took these tests the last 3 times.

So at 8, I went in and gave my blood. The nurse asked me if I had taken a test and the hopeful look on her face when I said yes, just about broke my heart. Of course I told her it was negative and she cried with me. It really broke my heart when she said, well maybe the test was wrong and I will call with good news! Yeah, maybe.

So I went home and after a little bit, some dear friends Emily and Dave came to visit. They live in the Bay area, so we don't see them that often. Well, after a while we got the phone call to confirm that the home test was correct. Thomas and I hugged and then went back out to spend more quality time. They were incredible and asked what they could do immediately. They were even going to wake up their 5.5 month old so I could hold him! Of course I said no, but you can bet that as soon as that little guy woke up a few moments later (on his own) sweet Teddy was in my arms. Seriously there is nothing better for me then the balm of a sweet baby. I know it is not this way for everyone who walks the infertility path, but I do know that it is all I need.

After an awesome afternoon with them, we got down to the business of texting and calling all our family. And here is what I have been reminded with through your sweet words.

This picture for 1. He is preparing us for greater things.
God is with us in the hard.
That you guys are praying for Thomas and I, and our hearts, not just for us to have babies to hold.
And Psalms 62:1-2 I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him.
2He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken.
Our expectation is from the Lord.
He has a family for us some day, some way.

And although we have no idea what we are going to do next. We are taking the time to be together, to cling to each other and God, and to grieve what could have been. And that is ok. 

We will definitely let you know what we decide to do next. Until then, I cannot tell you all enough that even though God said, "Not yet" today, some day we will all be rejoicing when our family goes from 2 to more then 2. Thank you all for every second of support and cheering on that you all have given us. We are so grateful for you all.

No comments:

Post a Comment