I realized as I go through this waiting period, that I have never written about the thoughts and feelings that accompany it.
Up until this point of IVF, I feel like there are very tangible things.
First there is the birth control.
Then there is the shots, the blood work, and the daily calls where progress can be tracked, meds can be changed if need be, and the numbers the next day give you something to look forward too.
Extraction is another tangible because although it is no longer your body you are rooting for, you are rooting for the little embryos that God guided Jeff's hands to put together. Each day you pray and hope, watching the numbers increase or decrease, but still. Progress.
You then implant. Whether it be day 3 or day 5, you put in those little buggers and you are again rooting for them! For me, it was awesome to talk to our embryologist and hear him specifically say that the next 2 days would be the embryos still growing and that implant days are days 5-7 which for us was tues-thurs. There was no question in my mind that I would extend bedrest a day to make sure those little toes had the best darn calm relaxed host they could possibly have. So Sun-Tues I prayed over those littles that they would grow, Grow, GROW! And then Tues-Thurs that they would attach, Attach, ATTACH!!!
And then there is today. I have 168 hours until I get a call next friday afternoon about whether or not my blood work is positive for HCG and I am pregnant. And now I have nothing left specific to pray for. No tangible. Except for these littles to grow.
And this is to me where faith comes in. It is so easy for me to follow the numbers, knowing God has it all under control. But at this point I have ZERO control. Yes I am still treating my body like I am pregnant. I am staying calm, eating right, and praying, but I no longer have specifics to count down, to pray for, to focus on.
It really is hard to explain this place I am at. I am still taking both estrogen and progesterone which are making my body think it is pregnant. Round 3, I was convinced I was and I wasn't. And normally at this point I just give it to God and try my darndest to not think about it. But this round, I am attacking it differently. I am believing I am pregnant. I know that it will be harder next friday to possibly hear different news, but I am claiming this victory for the next week!
So over the next week as we all anticipate what God has in store for us next, just keep praying that these littles are growing and that our hearts are calm. And I will keep talking to them every day, encouraging them to grow, pray over them and clinging to these promises. Because He will.
Chat with you next Friday the 24th in the afternoon!