This whole 3rd round of IVF has just been funny to me. With Thomas gone and JoAnn joining me in the room during implant day, I was able to see the whole process through new eyes. and then the fact that until Thomas returned, I have had 3 different friends help me with my nightly progesterone shot. And even in the lessons God has been gently changing my heart with have been different.
And then on Saturday it started. I was sitting on my couch, looking out the window at this. Just watching God's beauty awake.
And all of a sudden I had the thought of, "I don't know if I can handle it if this time round does not work." I sat there for a moment and then knew I had to dig into the Word. So I did my bible study and in the middle of the study, the word ABIDE just jumped out at me again and again. And I thought, "I don't even think I know what that word really means?"
So as I sat and chatted with God I asked Him to truly show me the meaning of the word.
Abide - to dwell or to rest
|My constant reminder.|
Over the past 4 days with Thomas being gone and me not being able to run to him to tell my every anxious thought, instead I have had the opportunity to really abide. To sit with God and give it to Him again and again. To really be quiet and just be. And not just give it to Him, but to really allow the peace to penetrate my heart. And it is amazing the peace He has given me.
One friend sent me Isaiah 58:11 "The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."
And another friend when I told her God was teaching me about abiding said, "So often He asks us to wait. But never alone!"
It sounds crazy, but I am so thankful that Thomas was gone for this part of this 3rd round, because God knew where my heart would struggle with the anxious thoughts and the fear, but He also knew that it would be a time where I could draw near to Him. And that He could whisper sweet truths into the depths of my heart that will be lessons that I can use for a life time.
All the other rounds were about His timing and His perfect plan. This round hasn't been that at all. I mean it clearly is His timing and perfect plan, but it has not been the focus. Apparently I have that lesson down at the moment and needed this new one seared into my brain.
So abide. I am totally willing to continue on and see what He will teach me in it all.
|And He always reminds me of this.|