Friday, November 14, 2014

As I Wait

As I watch the 10 days between implantation and the pregnancy test go by 1 by 1, this is where my heart it at.
These same days 3 months ago were filled with a cocky expectation that we were pregnant. I mean why wouldn’t we be? This was just going to happen. I mean every person I talked to “just had a feeling” that it was going to work.

This time around I am hesitantly hopeful. I know that again, this is another moment to cling to God. And honestly, during this week in August, I didn’t have to do that. This time round? Daily, momentarily I am giving these 3 little back up to God.
But I guess that is what parenting is all about, isn’t it? I was reminded just last month that parenting is the act of giving your kids back to God daily, knowing that He has allowed you to love, teach, and grow these children. He has gifted you these Littles for a time. And even though I am praying that I am carrying, 1,2, or 3 Littles right now, I am also praying for the wisdom of how to love them right now.

 He already has written our story. And I would not have taken back the last 3 years for anything. The whole thing has given Thomas and I another reason to strengthen our marriage. We have been a united force through every decision, and God has given us the exact same resolve for every decision.

So here we are... Just 4 more days until we get to take the blood test.
4 more days to daily give it to God, so I don't freak out.
4 more days to try and not psycho analyze every little twinge, every little cramp, every little "could be a pregnancy symptom!".
4 more days to believe that this really did work.
4 more days to have absolute faith.
Just 4 more days, 96 hours, and countless minutes.

By the way, we found out on Tuesday that none of the other 7 little embryos turned into blastocysts.
So this is it people! This is our time.

Grow you 3 little buddies! Grow!
Hopefully #2 is already a reality and 3 will happen in 8 months!

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