Someone asked Thomas and I a few months ago what we learned through each round of IVF. Thomas' immediate response was patience, while I realized that I learned very different lessons each round. So here they are.
Round 1 - Operation Tiny Toes
I mean we were doing IVF which means that automatically it should work for us, right? I mean we were healthy and we were overcoming the hurdle of our true issue, so everything should work and we should get pregnant easily with the help of a few Dr's right?
Wrong. I am not entitled to anything. Just because we are 2 perfectly healthy adults does not mean it is automatically going to work and we will get pregnant.
Round 2 - Operation Big Belly Mica
Giving God my kids.
This meaning was realized from the very second that we implanted those little buggers. The second round went so much smoother then the first with all the meds, but that little thing called fear set in and I realized that we were not invincible. And we were not entitled. So from the start I gave God my kids. Daily from the moment we implanted. And then again when I freaked out when we were actually pregnant. And then again when I started bleeding. And then again when we found out we were having twins. And then again when we lost the first twin. And then ultimately again when we lost the second.
I realized that someday when we actually get kiddos for longer then an 8 week pregnancy, that I will have to give my kiddos to God from the very first moment and every moment after because they are ultimately His. And whether I get them for 8 weeks of pregnancy and get to dream, or if I get them for 5 days after giving birth, or 5 years or forever, parenting is hard.
Ok God. I know I will take them back again and again, but my kids for however long I have them are yours.
Round 3 - Operation Third Times The Charm
Fear has to be given to God.
I am not a fearful person. I never was before and I have not been since. But in the middle of round 3 after I implanted those 2 little guys, fear hit me. At the moment, I honestly could not think I could handle the news if round 3 did not work.
But after spending some time clinging to God, He showed me how to Abide. Rest in Him. He will help me get through. And He did, clearly.
Oh the sweet rest.
Are you all ready for this ride again?
I took my last birth control pill last night. Which means we are on target for my first appointment to be on Sunday. That is the appointment where I am cleared for the start of this next round or not. So we just sit and wait for my body to do its thing over the next 4 days.
Will chat with you on Sunday and put up a calender for you all to follow along.
Round 4! Lets do this!
I love this promise.
Lord, you are my portion and my cup of blessing;
You hold my future.
- Psalm 16:5