Day 8 - Shots and an Appointment. Again.

Another day. Another dollar.

What does that even mean?

At this point I am taking extra electrolytes, extra protein, and extra water.

All so that the fluid will stay where it is supposed to be and not crowd my ovaries.

Yep. They are getting big and I am starting to feel them.

Day 8:

Round 2 - Uterine Lining - over 11 mm; Left - 13.2, 5@11.5, 10.4, 10, 3 @ 9.2, 4 @ 8.4

Right - 15.5, 14, 12.7, 12.5, 10, 5 @ 9.5, 4 @ 8.6 

TODAY ROUND 4 -

Uterine Lining - 3.3 mm triple (Mary assured me it was just the way she measured)

Left -
12.7

12.6

11.8

2@11.6

2@11.5

11.4

10.7

8.1

Right -
12.6

12.5

12.4

12.3

11.5

10.9

2@10.6

2@10.3

2@10.1

10

5@9.3

My estrodial was 835 today compared to 730 on day 8 round 2.

Remember that the estrogen level doesn't go up as much the day after you take your first ganarelix shot. Normally your follicles don't grow much either, but mine did just fine.

In Other News:

Meanwhile we have been finishing our basement. So that is what we spent all day doing. We put in insulation and we finished up with doing a half of a wall of plywood. 

 Aren't we adorable?!
And this is where we started this morning.

And this is where we ended.

The walls are going up! Yay!

And can you believe this moon?!
This was early yesterday morning. So beautiful.
God sure does create some amazing things.

Day 7 - Shots and Appt

OK, so I think I decided I am going to compare it to the same day during round 2, since that is what we want to happen perfectly.

Day 7:

Round 2 - Uterine Lining - 5 mm; Left - 12.7, 11, 2 @ 10.6, 9.4, 8.8, 8.1, 7.4; 
Right: 10, 9, 9 @ 8.5 (yes 9!), 8, 7.1

TODAY ROUND 4 -

Uterine Lining - 4.4 mm (Mary assured me it was just the way she measured)

Left -
12.7
12.4
12.2
10.6
10.3
10.2
8.4
8.1
7.8
7.7
7.4
7.3
7.2

Right -
11
10.1
10
9.2
9
8.8
2@8.3
8.1

My estrodial was 773 today compared to 619 on day 7 round 2.

Just as a reminder, so far I have been taking Follistim. This shot in my belly tells my body to produce follicles.
And today since my numbers are getting up there I can start taking Ganarelix which tells my body to not release any eggs yet though.

As promise here is a different then shot picture.
This is the first Dahlia I have ever grown. I think I am going to plant a special planter and grow a TON of them! I just love them!

Day 4 & 5 - Shots and Waiting

It is such a funny time where you are all excited because you get the go ahead, but then Thomas just gives me shots and we wait for wednesday's appointment to see how my body will respond. 

So we wait.

And give shots.

And wait.

Day 6 - Appt and Shots

So up until today it has just been simple. Life is normal, we do shots every night, but life is still normal. And I am excited, but not my usual hyper freak out excited.

Well, today we get to compare numbers!

Today I am going to compare them to all the other rounds. And then tomorrow I will decide if I will compare them to all the rounds, just round 2 since it is the most similar, or just the day before. We shall see!

Day 6:

Round 1 - left and right sides 3 follicles are at 6 mm and another 4 follicles are at 5 mm.

Round 2 - Uterine Lining - 3.7 mm; Left - 9.8, 9.5, 8.2, 2 @ 7.1, 6.6, 6.2, 5.1; Right - 11, 2 @ 8, 2@ 7, 6.8, 3 @ 6.1
Round 3 - Uterine Lining - thin; Left - 5x4, 5x3, 4x3, 4x3, 3x2, 3x2; Right - 5x4, 4x3, 3x3, 3x2

TODAY ROUND 4 -

Uterine Lining - 4.5 mm

Left -
11.3
9.8
8.1
2@7.7
7.6
7.3
6.7
6.5
6
2@5.5

Right -
10.7
2@9.75
8.1
7.4
6.7
6.5
6.4
6.3
5.7
4.7

My estrodial was 452 today compared to 369 on day 6 round 2.

And just so you all know, Round 2 is the round we want to be like. Round 2 is where we were on birth control for the 21 days just like this round (4), and 2 is the round where my body responded really well to the shots, and 2 is the round where I got pregnant with twins! So you bet we are going to emulate the heck out of that round! Hopefully :)

And since I know you are all missing those pictures of Thomas giving me shots from last round, here you go.

I promise I will give you other pictures other fun things other days, because it is beautiful here in WA right now! And yes those are all the supplements we take when trying to get pregnant. It is insane.

But right now I am relieved to know that all is going like planned. My body is responding beautifully to the meds and hopefully it will be just like round 2. I am getting excited, but again, more relieved then anything.

My favorite part is the no stress! We cleared our calendars this month and having nothing planned for the whole month of July is fantastic! 

Day 3 - Operation Quattro

Round 4

Operation Audi All Wheel Drive is a go!

Or for all of us who do not get that and do not understand why Thomas named this round that,

we will call it, Operation Quattro is a go!

Apparently the Audi All Wheel Drive is also called "Quattro". Who knew?

Here is the approximate Schedule for this next round.

Remember that Day 1 is the day I started my cycle. So today is technically Day 3

June 28th - Shots and appointment Day 3
June 29th - Shots Day 4
June 30th - Shots Day 5
July 1st - Shots and appointment Day 6
July 2nd - Shots and appointment Day 7
July 3rd - Shots and appointment Day 8
July 4th - Shots and appointment Day 9
July 5th - Shots and appointment Day 10
July 6th - Shots and appointment Day 11

From here on out depends on how my body is responding. But I will either continue on shots or being this next schedule
July 7th - Free Day!
July 8th - Extraction day for both Thomas and I
July 9th - Day 1 Embryos grow
July 10th - Day 2 Embryos grow
July 11th - Day 3 implant

The Prayer Map
But here is what I would really like for you all to do. Let me know if you are walking through this with us and praying for us. I would love to fill in these maps to see our support system journeying with us all over the world.

Because you all mean the world to us. And even if someone already said your state or country, let me know because I would love to write down the list of names and places to show our kiddos some day how incredibly loved and prayed for they are! 

And now...
Tonight I do my first shot. And I continue on with shots until wednesday. So there will be no numbers to report until then. So I may write, but maybe not.

Here we go again!
Let me know where you are rooting us on and praying for us from!

Lessons Learned IVF 1-3 and What's Next

 Lessons Learned
Someone asked Thomas and I a few months ago what we learned through each round of IVF. Thomas' immediate response was patience, while I realized that I learned very different lessons each round. So here they are.

Round 1 - Operation Tiny Toes
Entitled.
I mean we were doing IVF which means that automatically it should work for us, right? I mean we were healthy and we were overcoming the hurdle of our true issue, so everything should work and we should get pregnant easily with the help of a few Dr's right?
Wrong. I am not entitled to anything. Just because we are 2 perfectly healthy adults does not mean it is automatically going to work and we will get pregnant.
Noted.

  Round 2 - Operation Big Belly Mica
Giving God my kids.
This meaning was realized from the very second that we implanted those little buggers. The second round went so much smoother then the first with all the meds, but that little thing called fear set in and I realized that we were not invincible. And we were not entitled. So from the start I gave God my kids. Daily from the moment we implanted. And then again when I freaked out when we were actually pregnant. And then again when I started bleeding. And then again when we found out we were having twins. And then again when we lost the first twin. And then ultimately again when we lost the second.
I realized that someday when we actually get kiddos for longer then an 8 week pregnancy, that I will have to give my kiddos to God from the very first moment and every moment after because they are ultimately His. And whether I get them for 8 weeks of pregnancy and get to dream, or if I get them for 5 days after giving birth, or 5 years or forever, parenting is hard.
Ok God. I know I will take them back again and again, but my kids for however long I have them are yours.

Round 3 - Operation Third Times The Charm
Fear has to be given to God.
I am not a fearful person. I never was before and I have not been since. But in the middle of round 3 after I implanted those 2 little guys, fear hit me. At the moment, I honestly could not think I could handle the news if round 3 did not work.
But after spending some time clinging to God, He showed me how to Abide. Rest in Him. He will help me get through. And He did, clearly.
Oh the sweet rest.

What's Next
Are you all ready for this ride again?

I took my last birth control pill last night. Which means we are on target for my first appointment to be on Sunday. That is the appointment where I am cleared for the start of this next round or not. So we just sit and wait for my body to do its thing over the next 4 days.

Will chat with you on Sunday and put up a calender for you all to follow along.
Round 4! Lets do this!

I love this promise.
Lord, you are my portion and my cup of blessing;
You hold my future.
- Psalm 16:5

What's Next After Round 3 - Follow Up Dr's Appt

 As I processed everything over the past week and a half, I realized something. I am still at complete peace. It was truly nice to not know what was next because we had a week and a half of our lives where we were not sure what was next. Now 2 years ago that would have killed me, but last week? It was a reprieve to not think about baby stuff. I just lived. And it was lovely. 

For that week. :) And now after out appointment with Dr. Murrain, it was awesome to get back on track and know what is next.

Round 3 vs 2 Review

The first thing that Dr Murrain does in the meeting after a failed IVF cycle is to review what we did that round. So because Round 2 was successful, we compared Round 3 to Round 2.

Round 2 we implanted 1 blastocyst (day 5) and 2 morula (day 4)

vs.

Round 3 we implanted 2 morula (day 4)

Round 2 we had 24 follicles with 17 mature eggs and 7 fertilized normally the first day

vs

Round 3 we had 22 follicles with 13 mature eggs and 5 fertilized normal the first day

The preferred number of follicles are 8-20 and the mature eggs are between 12-15, so I was great with both rounds in both areas!

Both transfers went smoothly and my endomentrial lining was great for both rounds.

So in looking at the numbers, we weren't all that far off in the 2 rounds.

Questions

After all the review, I had a million questions. Here are the answers boiled down.

• There is no more likelihood that I will have another subchorionic hemorrhage (bleeding in the uterus) with any subsequent pregnancy.
• Although I am putting 1-1.5 years worth of hormones in my body in a month time frame, there are no lasting effects that have been found yet with the hormones I used.
• A few friends mentioned the MTHFR genetic testing, so I asked and we are going to work on getting that done. It is basically a clotting issue and there is a whole panel of testing that I will have done, just to cover all my bases.
• Because there were some concerns with ovarian hyper stimulation we talked through that. I was only ever a mild case and so there is no real concern there.

Round 4 - Us

It is still a viable option for us to do another round. I asked if there was anything that he would change if we were to do another round. He mentioned that he would consider doing a day 3 transfer no matter what and just transfer 1-2 more at that time. The reason being that sometimes the embryos just don't like the media in the petri dish and they would have done better in the uterus. 

The second thing I asked about was the length of time I was on birth control the 1st and 3rd rounds because it was about a month and a half each time. He said that 16-40 days is normal and that if the numbers were vastly different that he would consider that, but they were not all that different. I talked to the nurse the next day and the first thing out of her mouth was that she would only put me on birth control for the normal 21 day if we did this again. Thank goodness that she was able to see past the numbers that I did WAY better with everything the 2nd round when I was only on it for a little more then 3 weeks. So that is the second thing that would be different if we did another round.

Embryo Adoption

Lots of you have never heard of embryo adoption. I know that I have mentioned it to you before, but that was many moons ago. This option is essentially where there are other families who have done IVF and have frozen embryos, but for what ever their reason, they feel their families are complete. So instead of using their frozen embryos for scientific research or just allowing them to be thawed and disposed of, they opt to put them up for adoption for people who cannot use their own embryos. 

There is actually a local organization about an hour north of us where a woman named Maria Lancaster, who was actually the first woman ever to use another couples frozen embryo and get pregnant, started a agency that matches up people for embryo adoption.

http://donateembryos.org/

Just The 2 Of Us

This is always an option. I actually had a moment before Round 3 where I truly worked through what would happen if Thomas and I never were able to expand our family. Let me tell you, I still see a beautiful life ahead if that is what God has for us. By no means has my desire for kids gone away, but I can tell you that my ability to be content exactly where I am, knowing that He is going to take care of me and be my everything no matter what, that is priceless.

But I also don't feel like our quest to expand our family is over. So don't you worry your pretty little head. We are still going forward. I just now have a complete peace and an ability to live my life, not matter how long this takes or how it will end up looking. 

Peace is a powerful thing you guys. Powerful.

What's next?

The question you have all been waiting to be answered, that some of you may have scrolled to the bottom and skipped all the other stuff up top to read. :) Don't worry, I just know some of you and I don't judge. 

We have decided to go for Round 4. Which is absolutely crazy. If you would have told me last January all that were were going to go through and that we were going to do 4 or more rounds, I would have laughed and said I can't do that. But that is why God doesn't tell us His plans and why He only gives us as much as we can handle at any point in time.

So yes. Round 4. Guys I also never understood why people could do so many rounds. Honestly? There is just hope. Hope that THIS will be the round. Hope that THIS is going to be the one that we get to bring some tiny toes home at the end of. There is just HOPE. And it is powerful. Just like peace.

However, I am also going to seriously start looking into embryo adoption. From what I have heard and read, it can take any where from 2-4 months, or as long as 1-2 years to get matched. So, I want to have at least reached out to this organization and maybe have gone to an informational meeting to get the ball rolling and keep our options open. 

So Round 4 and the opening of the doors to embryo adoption. There you have it. What's next.

My Favorites

Here is the thing. This is our story. And I love every second of it. I wouldn't change a darn thing from having to go through infertility in the first place, to doing 3 going on 4 rounds of IVF, to miscarrying our little identical twins. God has carried us through this with incredible grace and peace. And honestly? I am going to be an incredibly different mom to my future tiny toes because of it. Heck, I have been a different person because of it. Wouldn't change it for anything.

I have seen God shine like crazy through this. I have seen the people closest to me go through the pain with me. I have seen people change and question and walk away different because God has used our story in others lives. And I have been able to talk with so many other women who have walked this same walk of infertility with me. All of our stories are quite different, but it always boils down to wanting to grow our families. And I wouldn't take that away either. Not for any of the hardness.

And I wouldn't change the relationship with all my ladies at the Gyft clinic. I love that our story could not have happened with out these ladies. They have cried for me and laughed with me and cheered me on every step of the way. I treasure every single one of them.

Just darn thankful you guys.

Thankful.