Operation Third Times a Charm Failed

Sadly, and a bit stunned we found out that IVF round 3 did not work.
We are definitely processing and trying to figure out how our grieving looks this time round.

Which puts us back to ground zero because none of our embryos made it to the freezing stage.

We are not sure what we have next other then meeting with the dr a week from tuesday. 

My HCG level was less then 1 which basically means non existent. 

So I stop all the progesterone and estrogen that I am on and then eventually my cycle will start on its own again. 

If we do decided to do round 4, that means that we will take a month off, and then start birth control the next month and start the whole process over. We are not quite sure what we are doing next, but we will definitely keep you posted.

Thankful I have this man by my side as we walk through this part of our story. Even in the heart ache he just told me that he loves doing life with me even when it is hard. I can't help but agree 100%.

And again, thank you for your prayers. Other then that we keep leaning on Jesus, my only other prayer is that He gives us wisdom and shows us what He has next for us.

Love you all.

Me.

Abide in the Waiting

This whole 3rd round of IVF has just been funny to me. With Thomas gone and JoAnn joining me in the room during implant day, I was able to see the whole process through new eyes. and then the fact that until Thomas returned, I have had 3 different friends help me with my nightly progesterone shot. And even in the lessons God has been gently changing my heart with have been different.

And then on Saturday it started. I was sitting on my couch, looking out the window at this. Just watching God's beauty awake.

And all of a sudden I had the thought of, "I don't know if I can handle it if this time round does not work." I sat there for a moment and then knew I had to dig into the Word. So I did my bible study and in the middle of the study, the word ABIDE just jumped out at me again and again. And I thought, "I don't even think I know what that word really means?"

So as I sat and chatted with God I asked Him to truly show me the meaning of the word.

Abide - to dwell or to rest

My constant reminder.

Over the past 4 days with Thomas being gone and me not being able to run to him to tell my every anxious thought, instead I have had the opportunity to really abide. To sit with God and give it to Him again and again. To really be quiet and just be. And not just give it to Him, but to really allow the peace to penetrate my heart. And it is amazing the peace He has given me. 

One friend sent me Isaiah 58:11 "The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."

And another friend when I told her God was teaching me about abiding said, "So often He asks us to wait. But never alone!"

It sounds crazy, but I am so thankful that Thomas was gone for this part of this 3rd round, because God knew where my heart would struggle with the anxious thoughts and the fear, but He also knew that it would be a time where I could draw near to Him. And that He could whisper sweet truths into the depths of my heart that will be lessons that I can use for a life time.

All the other rounds were about His timing and His perfect plan. This round hasn't been that at all. I mean it clearly is His timing and perfect plan, but it has not been the focus. Apparently I have that lesson down at the moment and needed this new one seared into my brain.

So abide. I am totally willing to continue on and see what He will teach me in it all.

And He always reminds me of this.

Implant Day - Day 5

This guy. Leaving on a jet plane. So excited to be going to his Grandparents 65th wedding anniversary.

Happy Anniversary to you two Oma and Opa!

Ok you all, here is the implant info…

There were 11 embryos that were growing this morning. Of those 11, 2 were ready for implant. Pictures of those 2 at the very end!

SO WE IMPLANTED 2 LITTLE BUGGERS!

Here are some pictures of the embryos on each day.

Day 0

You can see the sperm in the right photo still in the needle being implanted.

Day 1

Here you can see the nucleus of each cell. I learned today that each egg and each sperm has a separate nucleus that comes together, which is why it is normal to see 2. The last picture with the 2 nuclei is the weird genetic egg thing. 

Day 2

Now they are starting to divide and multiply!

We had 5 good ones on day 2.

Day 3

This was the day a few more kicked their butts in gear!

We had 8 good ones on day 3.

Day 5

And we had 11 growing embryos today on day 5.

Of which we implanted the best 2.

The Chosen Ones

These are the best 2. 

This one is still in the Day 4 look. It looks like it went back to 1 cell, but the reality is, it had divided and will soon show a fistular.

This embryo, doesn't look as much like a single cell, but the fistular is in there! Kinda top middle. A little valley. Jeff is so good at pointing it out. I can see when he shows me, but not other then that!

Here is the ultrasound as they implanted!

 

Since Thomas was possibly going to be gone, we made plans just in case! Good thing we did! My dad is here and JoAnn got to experience my whole appointment this morning. Thank you again JoAnn!

Seriously you guys, you are the best community ever. I cannot thank you enough for your prayers and your encouragement as we go through this Tiny Toes adventure.

So pray for these littles to attach, pray for my body to know exactly what to do, pray for the 9 embryos to do what God wants with them, and pray for safety for Thomas as he travels to and fro!

2 LITTLES!!!

Oh, and 4 more days of bed rest. It seems I have got this thing down now though. I have created a nest this time round.

Embryos Multiplying - Day 3

We were all ready today for our 2:30pm transfer, when I got a call at 1:15 from Charlene saying, just kidding! You have too many embryos and we want to wait until day 5!
Wait, what?!

We had our 5 that were doing well, and now we have 3 more that are doing well?!
Basically Jeff, the embryologist, said that there were 5 good ones he would choose and with how young I am, the likelihood of that turning into way more kiddos then is ideal, we should wait until day 5.

Here are the updates on the embryos:
1 embryo that is 8 cell with a grade 3+
3 embryos that are 6 cell with grades 3+, 3, 3
1 embryo that is 5 cell with grade 3+
1 embryo that is a 4 cell with grade 3+
2 embryos that are 3 cell with grades 4, 4

Basically with there being 8, 1/3 of those should make it to blastocyst. Again, the best possible outcome. So we are looking at and praying for 2-3 of them to make it.

Keep praying that the perfect little embryos make it and that their DNA is perfect, and that my body is ready to carry them to term.

My appointment is Wednesday morning at 7:45, but it will be a few hours! I will get home and let you all know how many we have!

And there will be no news tomorrow as the embryos all get a break from being graded.
Thomas will be headed to Germany for his Grandparents 65th wedding anniversary and my dad will be coming into town to help me because of the mandatory bed rest!

Both of us still have complete peace with the timing of it all and even with Thomas headed to Germany. I have amazing friends standing in to give me shots and to go with me for the embryo transfer. Thank you Jesus for our powerfully supportive community!
And thank you all!!!

I honestly think that these other 3 rallied because of the amount of prayer coverage!

Here are some beautiful tulips I grew and actually cut to bring in my house. Love them.
God does such beautiful work.

Chat with you on Wednesday!

Embryos Growing - Day 2

Our little embryos have grown!

So of the 8 maybes, only the 5 that they were sure would make it, made it.

So this is what we have…

Keep in mind that 4 is the very best possible grade.

1 embryo that is a 4 cell with a grade 4

2 embryos that are 3 cell both with grade 4

2 embryos that are 2 cell, 1 with grade 4 and one with grade 3+.

So all in all doing great!

Being that the cut off for holding all of them over to Day 5 is 6 embryos. Because we only have 5, the embryologist is going to look at them again in the morning, but most likely we will be using our 2:30 appointment to implant some of these little buddies.

So we are implanting on Day 3.

For those of you who don't remember the difference, we would love to get to Day 5 which is a blastocyst because the likelihood of them surviving is infinitely more when implanted on Day 5. However we serve a huge God and he simple needs 1 little embryo on any day to make this happen. So we know that with Day 3, we are good. 

And Thomas' head looks HUGE in this picture! Whoa. All about the angle. I need to remember that when taking pictures of my prego belly soon. ;)

Thomas in his baking/grilling apron prepping to give me a progesterone shot, to prep my body to keep these little babies going!

Keep you posted tomorrow with what we end up doing! And I will try and not make it so late. It has been a crazy busy day.

Fertilization - Day 1

Good news! 

Of the 22 follicles they found 13 mature eggs that were all ISCIed (implanted with a little swimmers).

Of those 13 mature eggs:

5 eggs were normal with 2 pronuclei

2 eggs had 1 pronucleus so they will be watched

1 egg had 3 pronuclei in the 2nd polar body, they suspect it is from an egg defect.

So! Here are the comparisons from previous rounds.

Round 1 - 5 normal, 2 more to watch

Round 2 - 7 normal, 2 more to watch

and...

Round 3 - 5 normal, 2-3 more to watch

So all in all, we wait! 

And pray that the perfect little embryos grow so they can be implanted!

More updated tomorrow.

Until then, these lilacs are making my home smell amazing!!!

And I got it from a sweet friend. Nothing better.

Honestly, this round has been incredibly stress free for me. I love that. I know that no matter what happens, it can't be harder then last time.
Complete peace is an awesome place to be.

I love it.

Tomorrow we find out how they are progressing. 

Update you tomorrow!

Extraction Day!

Today was an exciting day!

I had my 6:30 am appt and Thomas had his 10:30 am appt.

Mine went well. They were able to get 22 follicles this time.

Round 1 - 24 follicles with 13 mature eggs

Round 2 - 24 follicles with 17 mature eggs

We will find out how many mature eggs they found tomorrow!

They had to go through my walls 8 times! Which means I am quite sore. But no major pain which is great.

Thomas' appointment also went really well. 

There was only minor pain during the procedure and so far there has been nothing more then expected discomfort.

As of right now, we are both pretty sore, but we are not in pain! 

And of course I have my oils and all the recipes we need for pain, inflammation, and so much more!

SO! Where do we go from here?

Tomorrow we get a call for Day 1.

We find out how many mature eggs they found.

How many of them were implanted with swimmers.

And how many of them were fertilized and little embryos!

2 days of numbers and then we will know if we are doing a day 3 or day 5 implant.

This is one of my favorite times! So much excitement and hope!

I love it :)

Day 13 - Last Day of Numbers

This will be the last day of comparing numbers.
Tuesday vs Wednesday

Tuesday:

Uterine Lining - 5.5 mm triple

Left - 16x6, 5@14, 13x9, 13x8, 12x8, 10x5, 2@9x7
Right - 18x8, 18x7, 15x13, 15x8, 15x7, 14x14, 14x12, 2@13x12, 12x9, 11x9
10x8, 6@<9

TODAY(Wed)-

Uterine Lining - 5.8 mm multilayered

Left -
20
18
2@17
16
2@15
2@14
2@12
9

Right -
2@18
2@17
16
15
2@14
12
8@<10

Oh the possibilities!

For my blood work, my estrodial levels are at 1996, up from 1730.
I was told that the huge jump yesterday meant that they had hit puberty and matured. The slow down today means that they are ready to go.

I still need to up my proteins and electrolytes because there was fluid around my ovaries again. They even took my weight and blood pressure because of the problems it can cause. So I need to stay up on my protein and electrolytes for the next 10 days because that is when it will peak and then stop.

OK, now for extraction info.

Thursday
Tonight at 8pm exactly, I take my final trigger shot of ovidrel. I also take 1 estrodial pill.
Tomorrow I essentially have the day off, only taking 3 estrodial pills through out the day.

Friday
Is the big day!
So on extraction day, I have to take a Valium at 6 am. They do this so that people are relaxed going into the procedure. I cannot drive for the next 24 hours after that. Some how I missed that the last 2 times. I wonder if I drove any where in that time frame? Weird.

My extraction is at 6:30 am.
Thomas' is at 10:30 am.

After they extract everything from both of us, then Jeff will do his magic and put each little swimmer and egg together. Pray that the perfect little DNA is matched up for our kiddos!

Tomorrow I will take a day off and I will write the next post friday afternoon after our procedure when I know something more. Yay! We are finally here!

These are my very favorite ladies at the Gyft Clinic. Sherri, Mary, Charlene, and Neely.

They make my world happy.

This is an awesome thing. When the follicles get so large, they crowd out the uterus so that it all fits in the same ultrasound. 

Right ovary.

Uterus.

Left ovary.

Pray for friday morning! That is our big day!

Day 12 - Including Thomas and I's Baby Photos

Here is the new calendar.

And here are my numbers for today.
Monday vs Tues

Monday:

Uterine Lining - 5.1 mm triple

Left - 15.3, 14, 13.3, 13.1, 12.1, 12, 10.8, 10.5, 9.9, 8.8
Right - 14.5, 14.1, 13, 12.7, 12.2, 12, 11.8, 11, 10.8, 3@10.1, 3@9.2, 4@8.1

TODAY(Tues)-

Uterine Lining - 5.5 mm triple

Left -
16x6
5@14
13x9
13x8
12x8
10x5
2@9x7

Right -
18x8
18x7
15x13
15x8
15x7
14x14
14x12
2@13x12
12x9
11x9
10x8
6@<9

I asked the nurses again what the goal was for the size of the follicles. Because clearly it was way too long ago the last time I did this! The goal is to get as many as possible over 15mm before the trigger shot on Wednesday night. Which as we can see, we are well on our way! That is because they are mostly likely to contain mature eggs.

For my blood work, my estrodial levels are at 1730, up from 933.
Almost doubled!!! So awesome.

After upping my protein and electrolytes for a day, almost all the fluid absorbed back into my lymphatic system. Yay! Way to cooperate body of mine!
Although the follicles are starting to get so big that they are beginning to make me feel a little sick to my stomach. Not fun.
Same shot protocol tonight. Follistim, Ganirelix and Menapur.

And tomorrow we will talk about the extraction on friday!
I will explain all of that tomorrow.

And today you all get a little family history.
Thomas and I as babies (with some sibs)

 Alyssa (my older sister) and Me vs. Christian (Thomas' older brother) and Thomas

 

  

 

Thomas vs Mica

 

What do you think?
Bald or Hair?
Short or Tall?
(clearly I am the tall one) :)
Red or Yellow skin?
Skinny or stocky?
Green or Blue eyes?

And clearly our kids have to be in some awesome 80's outfits to match us!

Day 11 - Another Day, Another Dollar

Happy Monday you all!

These are from my garden! The first flowers I have ever picked from my garden and brought inside.

So you will notice that each nurse measures a little differently. Today Mary only reported out 1 measurement not two, where as Charlene yesterday reported out both measurements for each follicle.

Sunday vs Monday

Sunday:

Uterine Lining - 5.7 mm with multi layers

Left - 12x8, 12x5, 11x8, 10x9, 10x9, 8x6, 8, 7x7, 7x6, 7x5, 7x5, 5x4, 5
Right - 10x10, 10x9, 10x8, 10x5, 9x7, 8x7, 8x6, 8x6, 8x6, 8x6, 8x5, 7x7

TODAY(Mon)-

Uterine Lining - 5.1 mm triple

Left -
15.3
14
13.3
13.1
12.1
12
10.8
10.5
9.9
8.8

Right -
14.5
14.1
13
12.7
12.2
12
11.8
11
10.8
3@10.1
3@9.2
4@8.1

Clearly I have a ton of follicles! Now we just need them all to mature.
You have about 36 hours to mature little follicles! 36 hours! Do you hear me? We need to work together now!

For my blood work, my estrodial levels are at 933, up from 899. This is common the first day after you start Ganirelix.

Also I have to start eating more lean proteins and up my electrolytes. There was a little fluid around my ovaries and the protein and the electrolytes ensure that the fluids stay in the organs, not surrounding my little follicles.
Same shot protocol tonight. Follistim, Ganirelix and Menapur.

And apparently I am trying to come up with the craziest faces for Thomas.
You're welcome.